Memo to the desired one,
read it will you please?
Didn’t you realize?
Only you put me at peace.
As soon as I made it to my internship, I realized how fucked I was. The guy over me was on vacation, and so I didn’t know the login password to the computer. I remember he had emailed it to me, but I didn’t have internet access to access my email. So I pull out my laptop and I connect the internet line to my laptop from another computer, and the internet wouldn’t connect! Wtf. So I knew I couldn’t just mope for 4 hours until my ride would come and get me. So I guessed the login and after 10 mins I got it right.
I’ve been feeling lonely lately. I can’t help but to countdown until the 18th until I see my friends again. I actually went and saw a movie by myself a few weekends ago. Text messages, instant messages, messaging on facebook really isn’t enough. I want to look into their faces, feel acknowledged, and even hug them so that it actually feels like I am alive.
It really sucks that Jason won’t be coming back. At least when I knew he was going to TCC, I could still see him. But now that he’s staying in england. Wow.He was one of the funniest dudes I knew.
I always have thoughts going through my mind as I lay to sleep. Some days I feel like I want to live. Some days I don’t. But last night I decided that if I did die, that would just be okay.
Hopefully I will remember to call Courtney and wish her a happy birthday tomorrow.
Goodbye, friend.
When I wake up each morning, I don’t think about the unexpected things that will possibly happen during my day. Today I thought would be unlike any other, but I was wrong!
Lets start out. Let me first say, the University Book store I temp in is probably smaller then the average living room. It’s not big at all. Not even including the office and a storage room. So the last time that room got vacuumed was last fall. And it was ME who had vacuumed it. The janitorial staff @ the school don’t vacuum. Occasionally they will go in there and sweep shit off the floor though. Sweeping on carpet. Ok.
Well, I walked over to the library and asked James if I could borrow the Vaccuum Cleaner they use. He says yes and as I’m walking back to the bookstore, I heard someone yelling my name. It was… Ashley <3 Ashley is probably one of my top favorite friends. I really love talking to her because we just laugh the whole time.
We caught up for a few minutes, and I was really surprised to see her. Before the spring semester had ended, she had told me she was transferring out. So when I saw her, I was really hoping that she had decided to stay. Unfortunately that was not what she had told me. She can’t afford the tuition, even with her sports scholarship.
When we parted and she started walking away, it really felt like this was going to be the last time I would see her. She doesn’t have a cellphone or a computer (or internet access for that matter). Today I felt like I lost a bestfriend and even though speaking to her for 10 minutes was certainly one of the best moments I’ve had all summer. I almost feel like I wish I hadnt had seen her, because now I’m going to miss her even more.
It was brought to my attention that a certain individual had discovered my previous blog, so I was left with the only alternative to start fresh. And somewhere new.
I’ve never been so excited for school to start before. Even though Thursday was the last day of the summer term, I really can’t wait for the fall semester. I won’t say that my summer hasn’t been entertaining, but this summer certainly hasn’t felt like summer should. I’ve been bored.. MISERABLE, and the only thing I could do to make up for this was to work myself to death.
I hate the university I attend. Since my dad works there, everyone knows my name. And what am I suppose to do when I come across people talking about my dad. And then they see me? It’s so fucking awkward. It makes me wonder if they think of me as the person as I am, and not the person who my father is. I feel like a giant faggot walking around that school. And I hate that one of the only faculty members I liked, got a new job a couple months ago. I do miss her! The person who replaced her is nice but she doesnt have the same warmth that really lifted up my worse days.
My friends are plentiful on campus. I’ve even spent the summer mastering the art of alcohol consumption, and getting stoned. So now i can go to parties with them and not feel like the biggest loser. I’ve really changed a lot the past year, especially for my new friends. Sometimes I wish I was back in highschool, where some of my best memories were made.
Sometimes. Even with my new friends. My new life. I feel as if I am standing in the middle of the ocean. Alone. I glance around me and I see smiles on people’s faces. People are laughing and cutting up, and everyone is having fun. And there I am.. Pondering.. as to why I am not of those people having.. fun.